so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
