absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
