Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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