peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
