WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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