if i can run in heels then i can drive
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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