I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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