I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
