these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
