I love black thongs
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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