Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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