Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
