is your mom at the bar?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
