I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
