i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
