My room smells like vodka and shame
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
