i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
