id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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