My nipple is on Facebook.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
