I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
