wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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