my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
