No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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