i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
