So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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