You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
