The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
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