One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
