Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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