I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
