2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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