Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
