so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
