I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
