if i died would you start the facebook group?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
