i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
