i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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