this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
