well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
