The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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