i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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