i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
