Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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