The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
