i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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