I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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