If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
