are you so shy because you have an std?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
