His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
