Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
