dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
