I'm so fucking centered right now
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
